imageGreg “Pinkamena Dash” Palmer, and the Lyra plush he attempted to sell on eBay

SPRINGFIELD, IL — Local brony Greg “Pinkamena Dash” Palmer is out a $750 plush after sending a scammer the toy without receiving payment.
"This was my first time selling on eBay and I was hoping to sell a discounted and gently used Lyra plushie to a fellow brony" explains a visibly shaken Palmer.
Palmer, a 24 year old part-time cashier at Dollar General, posted a listing on eBay for a pre-owned Lyra My Little Pony toy earlier this month, planning to make an upgrade to an anthropomorphic Twilight Sparkle love doll. The auction finished with the highest bid at $750. It was shortly after the auction finished that Palmer received an email from the buyer with instructions enclosed.

"She pinkie promised me she would send me the money through Western Union as soon as the package arrived to at her house. It was a pinkie promise!"
According to eBay veterans as well as directly from the internet commerce giant themselves, sellers are recommended not to ship items to buyers until payments have been received, processed, and cleared by PayPal, eBay’s transaction processing service. This policy is standard practice for virtually all e-commerce businesses.
Palmer stated he waited daily for a deposit from Western Union for a week and a half before suspecting he had been scammed. At this point, Palmer decided to contact eBay and local police. Local police recently met with Palmer in his apartment discussing the details of his plush and give hands-on assistance to Palmer with forwarding the scam-related emails to the police department, while making no promises about being able to retrieve the plush or arrest the alleged scammer.

imagePolice outside of Palmer’s home after discussing the details of the alleged scam

"At this point, the plushie was probably dead-dropped to an empty lot and is now halfway across the world to Russia" states local cyberpolicewoman Michelle Andrews. "And if Palmer is unlucky, semen hackers will recover sensitive bioinfomatic personal information about Palmer and potentially steal his identity and siphon all money out of his bank accounts."
Palmer, who already was facing hard economic times and recently placed a $1000 order for a Chinese-manufactured Twilight Sparkle love doll, started begging for donations on his personal Tumblr blog, and is hoping the generosity and kindness of the brony community will help him through the struggle.
"I had no idea such mean-spirited scammers on the internet would try to steal money from a friendly brony. They surely could use more love and tolerance in their lives," remarked Palmer, as his tears dropped from his eyes into his bowl of Ben & Jerry’s Chubby Hubby ice cream.

Area locals were not very sympathetic towards Palmer.
“He’s a retarded idiot for falling for a scam like that,” remarked area local Maxwell Jennings. “I can’t believe he’s asking for people on the internet for handouts after making such a stupid mistake.”
As of the time of writing, police investigators have submitted a search warrant for Palmer’s residence, citing suspicion of indecent material depicting minors within Palmer’s apartment.

As our deathmarch towards Season 5 and Rainbow Rocks continues, the show staff and Hasbro have seen fit to double-team us with a pair of posts to ruffle our jammies. The least of which is this tweet by Daniel Ingram, a crude illustration of what he refers to as a “Mercorn”, or what those who have braved the previous generations would recognize as a Seapony.

The worst of which came earlier.



Rainbow Rocks Sneak Peek #3 is here. And the thumbnail foretells of the darkness that the video contains,


Even skeptics and those willfully in denial were forced to accept the truth today, as Flash Sentry has positioned himself to steal your waifus for good. He enters the video after a full-length song from the movie ends, to ask if Twilight Sparkle will be returning, before blushing, stumbling awkwardly, and making it painfully obvious that he wants a piece of horse pussy. Rarity also brings up the phrase “item” with Sunset Satan, re-confirming that adult relationships are a thing in this storyline.


Also addressed in the video is the fact that the girls have no damn clue why they become anthro ponies when they play their instruments. 


Also in the video is Rainbow Dash acting like a cuntbiscuit.



The speculation is unavoidable.


As-is the fear


And the hatred


And then, to top it all off, the gets of doom.


So we’re calling it here. Hope and Optimism for Equestria Girls 2: Rainbow Rocks
Time of Death: 7:00 PM August 29, 2014
1 month before release.
RIP.

SHOO BE DO SHOO SHOO BE DOO

The single most closely kept secret on the internet has been exposed, by a website known as URLAI.
Despite everything you have heard or would assume about the internet and 4chan, there ARE in fact female users. And apparently, there are a lot of them.

The highly-sophisticated, unquestionably accurate robots at URLAI use a number of qualities to determine the gender and demographic makeup of a site’s userbase. According to the site, nearly 60% of /mlp/’s users are Femanons.

Among those users, the majority are either underage b&, or older than sin.



The site also places gender values on frequently used words and phrases, and displays them in accordance to their frequency. It is 100% verifiable scientific fact that the words “cum” “biscuit” “can’t” and especially “penis” are all feminine words. 

The analysis goes deeper, informing us that /mlp/ is the “710th most feminine and 972th most happy blog of 1545 ranked.” The rankings and stats continue to shift as more websites are added to the rankings.

Curious of how other sites stack up, we decided to run an analysis on ourselves, to see if everything that people accuse us of is true from a scientific standpoint.


And it was just as we expected. Over half the staff is confirmed to be male, and we are the “508th” most “manly” blog in the rankings. Though shockingly, we were ALSO ranked as being the 532nd HAPPIEST.
Strange, some people claim that we are overwhelmingly negative about everything. Imagine that.
Let’s look at some others.




Woah, somebody get the guys over at EFN some icecream…or some prozac. According to the analyzer, EFN’s posts are overwhelmingly negative (they are even below HN on the happiness index). They also have far fewer feminine voices; EFN is the 329th most “manly” site, the inclusion of the “manliest brony” on the staff roster likely assists with that. Critical to EFN’s highly-scientific gender-assignment are the keywords used.


As you can see by this graph, EFN’s inherent manliness is derived from the use of the specifically masculine numbers found inside of a fortune cookie including 33, 34, 36, 37, 54, and 76, as well as the masculine noun “featherweight”. These terms outweigh the feminine words “tuna”, “purses”, “cute”, “tiara”, and the number 125, all appearing on the site.

Interesting. (Again, these are at time of posting. The analyzer can and will continue to shift in relation to other sites as more data is added).


On the opposite side of the spectrum we have April Davis’ site which was ranked as being the 5th most feminist site in the database. Quite a feat that has shocked exactly zero people.


Aaaand we can’t show you stats for EQD, because Seth has something fucked up apparently.
Dammit Seth.

A cursory examination of the HN staff noticed a discrepancy between our believed gender-distribution, and the scientific data. HN and /mlp/ are far more feminine than previously believed, meaning only one thing: our staff have been lying about our genders to each other for months now.

At least half of the men on the staff are actually women, and we are on witchhunt to find out who’s who. It is unclear how the women of /mlp/ will act, now that they know that they have actually been trolling each other for over 2 years into thinking they are all men.

Want to know where the stats are now, and learn more about others?
http://ift.tt/1lm9gw5


Behind the scenes of Friendship is Magic, there is one man who rivals Mitch “Coronate a Bitch” Larson in terms of Bro Prowess. And that man is coming to Dallas in October. That’s right bitches, the man himself Josh Haber will be coming to Nightmare Nights. Who is Josh Haber you ask?
Get the fuck out, we say. 



Haber, as some of you may remember is the one writer at BABScon who agreed to sit down and eat a bowl of spaghetti put up with us for an interview, the morning after the /mlp/arty. He’s also the dude who wrote Castlemania and Simple Ways, and Leap of Faith.

If you want to come harass see Josh at Nightmare Nights in October, you better use code IWTCIRD10 at checkout.
Seriously.
Try it.

Borg’s Family-friendly Press Release below.

______________________________________________________________________________

Nightmare Nights Dallas is pleased to announce that none other than that crafter of potent pupillam potions and trendiest of fellows, Josh Haber, will join us this October for our celebration of Nightmare Moon and all things My Little Pony!
Josh scripted three episodes for Season 4: Leap of Faith, Simple Ways, and Castle-mania. It remains to be seen if Tabitha St. Germain will seek revenge for some of the lines he wrote for Rarity, but our hopes are high. Josh also wrote a popular pair of Rainbow Rocks shorts, namely Hamstocalypse Now and Pinkie on the One.
Josh joins Tabitha St. Germain, Britt McKillip, Heather Nuhfer, and Amy Keating Rogers as a Guest of Honor for this year’s Nightmare Nights Dallas. So join Josh and our other Guests this October 24th-26th for panels, events, fun and excitement. Nightmare Nights Dallas will not only feature our Guests of Honor, including My Little Pony’s talented artists, writers, and actors, but also Community Guests from the fandom we know and love…and those will not be the only surprises we have in store for you!

Only 6 Premium Memberships left! For those who like to mingle with the guests, we’ve organized a meet and greet on Friday night. This ticket includes everything the Sponsor ticket does as well as the aforementioned meet and greet on Friday. Includes access to panels, public events, the vendor hall, artists alley, and musical performances. Does not include the Celestial Sponsor Dinner.
Panel Submissions Are Still Open! At least for the moment. Panel submissions will be closed on September 13th, allowing us to make final selections and prepare our convention book. If you’ve got a panel idea you’d like to run, submit it here.

Our Back To School sale ends on August 31st, so if you were wanting to take advantage of the BTS10 coupon code time is running out!

Nightmare Nights Dallas (NMND) is Texas’ biggest My Little Pony convention, and will be held on October 24-26, 2014 at the Crowne Plaza Addison in Addison, Texas. Contact NightmareNightsDallas@gmail.com with any questions! Join us on the web at http://ift.tt/1ubFomF http://ift.tt/1o1pw4f  http://ift.tt/1o1pw4n

Art by Joe

dear /o/ and /mu/: handle your users. thanks

Months of delays, bottles of tequila, drama, and anti-brony tears have finally led up to this moment: The much anticipated Lucariowoah article.

Hope you have health insurance everyone, the edge can and will be flying through your screen.






Now who is Lucariowoah aka Gamma Theta aka “Rage-Chan?” lets find out from her.

>mac

Seems like your average- wait….. am I the only one that sees “head cannons?” well then, lets take a small peek shall we?



There you have it, but hey why stop at the only brony thing she does and move on to her… OC!

Holy brony batman

I bring up the fact about some brony things because she hates them. Oh how she cannot stand them, so much so she decided to date the biggest pariah of the MLP fandom: Pinkiepony.

I mean, how awesome is it to date pinkiepony…


AND


GET


ALL


THIS


FANART!

Oh and she was devoted too! When based InternetAristrocrat made a special video just for Pinkiepony, she decided to send him a thank you video as well! sadly it was mysteriously deleted but someone re uploaded it to spread her very special message.



Besides, nothing can go wrong this this relationship right? Can we agree she would never hop in any bandwagon just for attention, and there has to be some common sense in that girl-

Can you stop talking in general?
Oh well, yea she is nuts and consider underwear pics “nsfw”, but at least their perfect relationship will last forev-

womp womp
Sadly, this led to Lucariowoah to peruse other interests online, which led to many fun misadventures!

Lucari-Clop 

Gamma has been quick to criticize bronies for creating and posting porn for a children’s show. No one thought of it since it was the same tired argument that was ever made against the fandom (protip: women make the most clop in the fandom, and tits for the breast too: they know breasts and vagoo’s more than men).

That was until it was discovered: SHE HAD A PORN BLOG WITH MLP SHIT!




International incident

Really needs no explanation here

Cash for told.com
A history of violence

Lucariowoah is known for her short temper and threats of violence. Sadly this set of examples is only a drop in the bucket, but enjoy anyway!





He mad?
Usually that would be the end of it, but her and pinkiepony got a bit into hot water with yet ANOTHER celebrity.

This time it was Seth Green.



Then his followers got into it as well, with that brony conspiracy called logic







Even Everfree’s Cayci got into the action


And this… person too!



At the end of it even pinkiepony was tired of what happened.


And here it is Lucariwoah…. This is why they should place an embargo on Canada.



Next week: Comfemgem aka “Steven Universe fans in a nutshell”



Quick note: Really want to change the name of the series, if you have a better name than “Tumblrn down the devils hole” let me know. thanks.
LOOK CUTE HAPPY PONIES ARE YOU HAPPY?
Earlier today an exchange on twitter demanded to know how someone could take Horse News seriously. “when they can’t report anything without turning it into a platform for their petty shit?”.
Well sir, we accept your challenge. We will go one entire post without platforming our petty shit.
In fact, we won’t even mention what our petty shit is. So here we go!




This happened today.



Previews of the next comic came out.


Walmart has pony party shit.


Not sure if that is new, but we got sent a picture of it.


Have a nice picture of a pony fart fan.


There you go non-believers! One whole post without “petty platforming”!

"Hi, wanna be our bitch for 7 percent revenue share?"

Blackmail.
Extortion.
Cuntfacedness.

In the world of pony media, there are different levels and groups of people. There’s the Sethistos who have real power and don’t give a shit, there’s the Drafts who have no real power and are crazy about it, and there’s the HNs who are just here for the booze. Recently, a new mutation on pony media tried to lodge itself into the fandom, like a tumor, sucking off the healthy (in our case we’ll put quotes around “healthy”) cells around it. It’s name “The Pony News Network” or “PNN” (Or “Brony Network” depending on the day).

What have they done? Not as much as they want to do if you don’t stop them now.

So what exactly IS the “Pony Network”? To put it simply; it’s a pyramid scheme that only exists to try and make money off of ad revenue by leeching off of existing pony fan’s Youtube accounts, in exchange for being part of the “Brony Network”. All of that would be fine…if it weren’t a total sham.
image
The “Brony Network" aka The Pony Network, aka PNN, started up just a few months ago. Their main Youtube account has a grand total of 24 followers. Their main twitter account has…8 followers. And their “news” site has exactly one post made on it since July.  
So, now you’re wondering why Horse News CARES about what is clearly a failure of a project. For lack of a better term, because of the extortion and blackmail allegedly taking place behind the scenes, and according to a source who was contacted about the startup, because the owner of BronyNetwork is attempting to gain a “monopoly over the fandom”.
 Also the fact that the people behind it are trying to both edge out and simultaneously partner up with the likes of Everfree Network and Ponyville Live (both of whom have reportedly rejected them due to shadiness). 
The Pony Network came to EFN and PVL offering “partnerships” to work together to share ad revenue generated by pony youtube videos. They are reportedly a subset of "Showcase Edit" which does the exact same thing but on a larger scale. Now, anyone who has ever tried to monetize youtube knows that ad revenue is virtually zilch anyway. But PN wants to divide the profits with a tiny fraction going to the partners, a fraction going to themselves, and another chunk going to Showcase Edit.
They were turned down, because why would any account with ~30 Thousand subscribers share ad revenue with a “network” that only has 24 subscribers? Yeah even Draft isn’t THAT stupid. 
So who WOULD join up with this “Youtube Network”.
Well apparently Brony Aerospace who has “shit on everybody” “enough to blackmail them into partnering”. That’s right folks, the Brony Network plans on using the people at Brony Aerospace to BLACKMAIL youtubers into joining the network and giving up big percentages of their ad revenue.
image
But don’t just take our word for it, have a listen to some recordings of an actual skype call with the head of the Brony Network "BronySinc". (This recording was made in a one-party consent state, meaning that only one of the people in the call needed to know it was being recorded).

The full recording is too long (~an hour) so we spared you a lot of awkward silence and mundane shit.

"Brony Aerospace has enough contacts to get us the big big Youtubers. Basically they have shit on everybody and that’s enough to blackmail them into partnering with us." - BronySinc

Seriously.
This is what is taking place.

"Basically hold a monopoly on all the fandoms in the world"

That is some evil empire level shit right there.

Along with that We have founding partner Omnipony. Well we don’t officially have him, there’s a dirty deal going right now and we’re gonna get him.”

Jesus, this guy has never heard of subtlety or tact has he?

image



So there you have it folks, damning evidence of almost unheard of levels of underhanded bullshit. Blackmailing Omnipony? Trying to conquer “all the fandoms in the world”? All for the MONEY no less? And clearly BronyAerospace is just as much to blame here as the rest.

image


Who else is in on this treacherous guild? Apparently Raborn, the convention chair for DerpyCon South, who recently had a dispute over recording between PNN and PVL. It is unknown how many bronies and groups are in on the conspiracy, but we do know that they were rejected by PVL. Apparently Silver Eagle was NOT willing to be their “bitch for 7 percent revenue share”.

We do not know what is being used to blackmail Omni (~44 Thousand Subscribers) into joining this group, but we do wish him the best luck.

To Derpycon South, Brony Aerospace, and The Brony Network at large: you’ve been caught.

To the fandom at large: do not let the cancerous likes of these people take your fandom from you.

equestrian-strumpet
equestrian-strumpet:

It’s Always Sunny in Fillydelphia: The IRL edition.
Well, laptop was being difficult and now friends are over and they will yell at me I I stream :’I
SO I may stream later if I can figure something out, but it may be late. I am okay with this because I would really like this thing posted tomorrow.
Sorry it didn’t work out for 7, but hopefully I will see y’all later? :’D

This is an important question

equestrian-strumpet:

It’s Always Sunny in Fillydelphia: The IRL edition.

Well, laptop was being difficult and now friends are over and they will yell at me I I stream :’I

SO I may stream later if I can figure something out, but it may be late. I am okay with this because I would really like this thing posted tomorrow.

Sorry it didn’t work out for 7, but hopefully I will see y’all later? :’D

This is an important question

odysseyeurobeat
peachtml:

openyourthird-eye:

highonvodka:

themixedbagofspooky:

spoopy-len-in-a-dress:

riningear:

doryishness:

displaced-angel:

ryedragon:

ineffectual ;

reblog and make a wish!this was removed from tumbrl due to “violating one or more of Tumblr’s Community Guidelines”, but since my wish came true the first time, I’m putting it back. :)

OH MY FUCKING GOD, IT’S BACK ON MY DASH.
THIS SHIT WORKS OKAY, I AM DEAD SERIOUS.
The last time I saw this on my dash, I didn’t think it would happen, so jokingly I wished I could go to a fun. concert.
AND GUESS WHAT, I WENT TO A FUCKING FUN. CONCERT.
THIS SHIT WORKS, TRY IT.

YOOOOOOO
I SAW THIS ON MY DASH THE OTHER DAY AND THOUGHT “ITS WORTH A TRY” SO I WISHED I COULD GET A 3DS
LITERALLY LIKE 4 DAYS LATER MY DAD SENT ME A PICTURE OF THE 3DS XL HE BOUGHT FOR ME WHILE I WAS AT SCHOOL
IM STILL FREAKING OUT ABOUT THIS

holy fuck, I didn’t expect this to work, I was like psh, whatever it’s just a quick reblog, but I wished my Dad would actually respond back to me AND HE FUCKING DID A FEW DAYS LATER, I GOT A FUCKING TEXT FROM MY DAD TODAY WHO HASN’T SPOKEN OR RESPONDED TO ME IN MONTHS HOLY FUCK WHAT IS THIS MAGIC IT WORKS. 

I WANTED TO SEE MY BOYFRIEND AND I DIDN’T THINK I’D GET DAYS OFF BUT THIS WEEKEND I’M HEADING UP THERE??? THIS IS CRAZY SHIT 

SO LIKE I JOKINGLY WISHED FOR MY OWN LEN KAGAMINE AND THEN LIKE A WEEK LATER I GOT A LEN NENDOROID??? H ELP

WTF OKAY SO THIS SHOT ACTUALLY WORKS BECAUSE WHEN I WISHED, I HAD WISHED MY CRUSH WOULD LIKE ME BACK AND GUESS WHAT? I HAVE A BOYFRIEND NOW. WHAT THE HELLLLL?????

ok I’ve said this before but IM DOING IT AGAIN THE FIRST TIME I SAW THIS, MY WISH DID COME TRUE SO I REBLOGED AGAIN AND SAID IT IN THE TAGS BUT THEN I WISHED FOR SMTH ELSE AND IT LITERALLY LITERALLY HAPPENED LIKE A COUPLE DAYS LATER WHAT THE HELL SO NOW IM WRITING THIS HERE FOR YOU BC I DONT BELIEVE IN THIS CRAP BUT STILL IT’S AN AWFULLY BIG COINCIDENCE

OKAY I SWEAR TO GOD THIS THING WORKS YOU HAVE TO PATIENT BC I WISHED THAT I COULD MOVE AWAY FROM MY SHITTY TOWN TO A WARM PLACE AND GUESS WHAT THIS JULY IM MOVING TO NORTH CAROLINA OKAY GUYS IM NOT MAKING THIS UP I AM SO CONFUSED ACTUALLY THIS IS GREAT BYE

LEMME TELL U SOMETHING THIS SHIT WORKS

We wished that all of your wishes would be reversed. 

peachtml:

openyourthird-eye:

highonvodka:

themixedbagofspooky:

spoopy-len-in-a-dress:

riningear:

doryishness:

displaced-angel:

ryedragon:

ineffectual ;

reblog and make a wish!


this was removed from tumbrl due to “violating one or more of Tumblr’s Community Guidelines”, but since my wish came true the first time, I’m putting it back. :)

OH MY FUCKING GOD, IT’S BACK ON MY DASH.

THIS SHIT WORKS OKAY, I AM DEAD SERIOUS.

The last time I saw this on my dash, I didn’t think it would happen, so jokingly I wished I could go to a fun. concert.

AND GUESS WHAT, I WENT TO A FUCKING FUN. CONCERT.

THIS SHIT WORKS, TRY IT.

YOOOOOOO

I SAW THIS ON MY DASH THE OTHER DAY AND THOUGHT “ITS WORTH A TRY” SO I WISHED I COULD GET A 3DS

LITERALLY LIKE 4 DAYS LATER MY DAD SENT ME A PICTURE OF THE 3DS XL HE BOUGHT FOR ME WHILE I WAS AT SCHOOL

IM STILL FREAKING OUT ABOUT THIS

holy fuck, I didn’t expect this to work, I was like psh, whatever it’s just a quick reblog, but I wished my Dad would actually respond back to me AND HE FUCKING DID A FEW DAYS LATER, I GOT A FUCKING TEXT FROM MY DAD TODAY WHO HASN’T SPOKEN OR RESPONDED TO ME IN MONTHS HOLY FUCK WHAT IS THIS MAGIC IT WORKS. 

I WANTED TO SEE MY BOYFRIEND AND I DIDN’T THINK I’D GET DAYS OFF BUT THIS WEEKEND I’M HEADING UP THERE??? THIS IS CRAZY SHIT 

SO LIKE I JOKINGLY WISHED FOR MY OWN LEN KAGAMINE AND THEN LIKE A WEEK LATER I GOT A LEN NENDOROID??? H ELP

WTF OKAY SO THIS SHOT ACTUALLY WORKS BECAUSE WHEN I WISHED, I HAD WISHED MY CRUSH WOULD LIKE ME BACK AND GUESS WHAT? I HAVE A BOYFRIEND NOW. WHAT THE HELLLLL?????

ok I’ve said this before but IM DOING IT AGAIN THE FIRST TIME I SAW THIS, MY WISH DID COME TRUE SO I REBLOGED AGAIN AND SAID IT IN THE TAGS BUT THEN I WISHED FOR SMTH ELSE AND IT LITERALLY LITERALLY HAPPENED LIKE A COUPLE DAYS LATER WHAT THE HELL SO NOW IM WRITING THIS HERE FOR YOU BC I DONT BELIEVE IN THIS CRAP BUT STILL IT’S AN AWFULLY BIG COINCIDENCE

OKAY I SWEAR TO GOD THIS THING WORKS YOU HAVE TO PATIENT BC I WISHED THAT I COULD MOVE AWAY FROM MY SHITTY TOWN TO A WARM PLACE AND GUESS WHAT THIS JULY IM MOVING TO NORTH CAROLINA OKAY GUYS IM NOT MAKING THIS UP I AM SO CONFUSED ACTUALLY THIS IS GREAT BYE

LEMME TELL U SOMETHING THIS SHIT WORKS

We wished that all of your wishes would be reversed.